Unraveling the Toad Experience.
“I’m ok to go. I’m ok to go.” I repeated these words, akin to the poignant scene in the movie ‘Contact’ when the main character, ‘Ellie’, is in the transport pod and ready to pass through her portal of consciousness.
I was here, with my heart pounding and sitting in the lotus position, I took my first inhale of the ‘Toad’. Nothing. Then I took another inhale and – something. I laid back, closed my eyes, and suddenly became aware of a beautiful orb of yellow-golden light shimmering and radiating warmth just within my visual field. My breathing increased as my desire to let go grew.
Yet, despite the allure of the golden light, I found myself unable to move any closer or transcend its ethereal boundary. My ego stood firm, stubbornly resisting the pull. Tears suddenly welled up inside, and a desperate longing for freedom rushed through me. Yet it was out of reach. Why? Why couldn’t I let myself go?
“I’m ok to go,” I repeated to myself.
Something inside me wouldn’t leave my ego. It became painfully clear—I had to accept that this wasn’t my time. And that was also OK.
Such was the brevity and intensity of my first encounter with the Toad medicine.
Our spiritual journeys often unfold unexpectedly, akin to a ball of string unraveling—sometimes gradually, sometimes with an uncomfortable swiftness that we’re not quite ready for. This uncomfortable feeling can throw us off as we unravel the layers of who we are and when we begin to recognize our own created dramas as well as those who are mirroring us.
The Bufo Alvarius experience, often referred to as “bufo” or “toad medicine,” involves the inhalation of the venomous secretions from the Colorado River toad (Bufo alvarius). This toad, found in the southwestern United States and parts of Mexico, produces a potent substance including 5-MeO-DMT (5-Methoxy-N, N-Dimethyltryptamine). Inhaling this smoke can give you a profound psychedelic experience and can transcend you out of your ego consciousness, bringing you to the experience of a state of oneness with God – a complete dissolution of the ego. It’s been called the ‘God’ molecule by Martin W. Ball, (author of ‘Facilitating 5-MeO’) after his own experience and realization that we are all One. It’s a powerful entheogenic molecule that I believe can bring us to directly have the God experience.
Did I break through and experience God? Did I transcend out of my ego? It’s hard to say. I felt like I couldn’t pass through the golden light and yet, maybe I just forgot or wasn’t consciously aware. I had come out of the experience feeling so much love for everyone in the room and all I wanted was for everyone to feel this way. It felt beautiful. This experience, while not feeling complete, did bring a new spiritual warmth within me. At the same time, it also brought with it new challenges, especially with my view of the world. Everything made sense and yet nothing made sense. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to at this time.
It’s crucial to note however that the Bufo experience is not without risks and should only be undertaken with great care. While many who have attempted the Toad or 5-MeO, describe transformative and positive encounters, others have had intensely challenging or adverse reactions. and experiences. This seems to happen when one cannot let go of their ego and it can feel like one is going through hell. The ego and body think it’s dying and fight to hold on. This can result in bodily reactions like screaming, spitting, vomiting, a feeling of wanting to run away, or even physical violence to oneself or another. The intensity of the experience can be overwhelming whether it’s heavenly or hellish. Letting go isn’t always easy and there has to be a willingness to surrender and trust in the process.
Not everyone is ready for this experience. What you expect is not what you’ll get. Truth can be found within and is a journey that is different for each individual. The God molecule is the key to full non-dual liberation and perhaps one day I’ll be ready to pass through the golden orb of light for the full experience. Until then my spiritual quest continues.
Petra Valica
This article was written for educational purposes. I don’t condone the use of any illegal substances and as with any potent psychedelic substance, please be responsible and use with a supportive, experienced guide or facilitator that can contribute to a safe and meaningful exploration of the Bufo Alvarius experience.
